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Astronomy related jokes

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Roman White
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« on: February 24, 2009, 09:17:47 pm »

(OK, other jokes and fun things are allowed too)

***
This question has bothered me recently:

- What do abbreviations "AM" and "PM" mean ...for astronomers?
- "After midnight", "Pre-midnight"
 Grin

« Last Edit: August 06, 2010, 09:40:22 pm by Roman White » Report Spam   Logged

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Martin Mc Kenna
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« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2009, 09:21:22 pm »

LOL, good idea Roman. There's room for plenty of light hearted topics on this forum. It's good to have a laugh and relax and not get annoyed at the clouds too much.  Smiley.

If anyone has any astro jokes they would like to share then feel free to post....
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Roman White
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« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2009, 10:13:32 pm »

I don't remember where I have found it...

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« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2009, 10:22:12 pm »

Hmmm,

I heard that Richard Branson opened the first nightclub on the Moon, but it closed down after a short while - apparently it lacked atmosphere! 
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« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2009, 10:30:02 pm »

Rumour has it John McEnroe (the bad tempered tennis player) was heard shouting at a bright star, "You cannot be Sirius"
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Roman White
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« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2009, 11:25:26 pm »

And now...

You are a true DeepSky observer if...
you spent most of your time trying to see objects which are barely visible to you
you think that 17m stars are "irritationally bright"
you can precisely guide an object with your Dobsonian at 700x magnification ...with one finger of your hand
you think that a telescope is a member of a family
Moon is horrible punishment for you
Jupiter is a gentle source of light pollution
Meteors are a gentle source of light pollution
Milky Way is a gentle source of light pollution
you place dry ice onto your head to reduce the "noise" of your retina and optical nerve
you consider Hydrogen nebulae of distant galaxies as independent objects
you like observing faint nebulae with the smallest possible aperture
you like observing faint nebulae with the biggest possible aperture
your observing programme includes observing faint objects in twillight
you wonder, why do your favourite objects aren't included into Messier, NGC, IC catalogues
you have doubt on presence of something interesting inside Solar system
you're amazed that some amateur asstronomers need additional light sources to read sky charts in the darkness
you can find all objects of Messier and Hershel using only your memory
you think that M13 can ruin your dark adaption
you are very glad when power blackouts occure on moonless nights
you observe M42 as a last object during your observing session because it ruins your dark adaption
Arp - is not a 'funny word', it is a name of one of your favourite galaxy catalogues
you hate aurorae because they spoil the sky contrast and ruin your dark adaption
you remember all NGC objects and you can immediately tell object's type and magnitude if you were asked e.g. "What is NGC1000"
your best place for vacation would be Namibia, but...
your ideal scope must be moveless
you use eyedrops which widen your eye pupil to 10mm
you severely swear when NELM is below 6.5m
you travel to Australia to read your sky charts under the light of Milky Way
you massage your eyes 3 hours in absolute darkness before starting your observing session
you observe faint nebulae during total lunar eclipse
you USE 'Uranometria' atlas, and you can tell the page number for each object
you think that telescope guides are absolutely unnecessary
you can find objects with naked eye better than with 80mm guide
you seriously think about creation of a 'comitee of fighting artifical satellites'
you can drive to rural area every night, each time carrying 100kg of your equipment across the field
you wear sun glasses all day long even if it is overcast
you think that a hood which XIV century monks wore - is a nice idea
city light is a main problem of your life
you use infrared flashlight
you continue thinking that only complete absence of stars in our galaxy would make you happy with a dark sky appearance
you take a pail of coffee with you when going to observe at night
you did an operation, changed your eye's lens f/0.8 by an apochromatic triplet
you think about how to break all street lights in the neighbourhood
you can't see faint objects because the Zodiacal light is too bright
you can speak, holding a red flashlight in your mouth
you can understand a man who speaks to you, holding a red flashlight in his mouth
you have a "DeepSky" tatoo
your children's name are "Ring", "Medusa", NGC1234
you bought a small 20" Ritchey-Cretien to your wife
you hang photos of Messier objects on the walls of your room to observe something on cloudy days
you think that first 7 letters of the alphabet are "OBAFGKM"
you dream about a travel to Antarctic in summer
looking at the dirt spot on your clothes, you try to find a central star, define separate stars and see a spiral structure of that spot
you can observe 18mag galaxies near your house in 10x50 binoculars
you associate a word "Sex" with a galaxy cluster in Sextans
best time for your observations is when the Milky Way is low above the horizon
you think that 8" scope will be a good guide for your Dobsonian
you can drive 130km away from the city, searching for a dark sky, and stay there under rain all night long, in hope that the sky will clear
you tell to newbie astronomers that observing faint comets and asteroids is much more interesting than observing bright planets and Moon
your collection of astrophotos has bigger weight than yourself
your archive of CCD photos' compact disks has bigger weight than yourself
you can point the location of different nebulae in daytime
you dream to buy your neighbours' houses with only one goal - to burn them
you think that astronomy clubs must be free of tax as well as churches
you stopeed smoking not because you wished to have better health, but because it ruined your ability to see faint objects
you dreamed to live in Australia to see new nebulae
you can see planetary nebulae in other galaxies ...without O-III filter
you remember magnification and FOV of each of your eyepieces in each of your telescopes, that have been ever bought or self-made
you divorce with your wife because she distracts you at night
you bought Palomar sky survey because it is good to use along with your guide
you use 16" telescope ...as guide
you are too busy at night to have children
you can visually define red shift of quasars
you tried to see galaxies... through spiral arms of another galaxies
you make filters by yourself
you make eyepieces by yourself
you live in a desrt, but only at night
you don't use CCD camera because the PC monitor ruins your dark adaption and BTW the objects are better visible visually
you can find at least 10 non-NGC objects just turning your scope into right direction
your eye pupil is always wider than 7mm
you painted yourself into black to reduce light pollution
you painted into black everything in 100km around to reduce light pollution
a mirror that reflects 95% of light has bad quality
you use dark filters when observing objects brighter than 15mag
you have forgot how does the world look in the daytime
you have forgot how does the world look at night without a telescope
you know periods of extragalactic variable stars of Cepheid type ...by your own experience
you discovered several comets but you are too busy too report about it
you have reported about several comet discoveries, but they are too faint for anybody else to see them
you go to sleep if NELM is below 7.0m
you tell that you observed Stephan's Quintet without an optical aid
you think that Pluto is too bright to observe with 4" scope
you have so big myopia or strabismus that you need no eyepieces any more
you have coated your eyes the way they become anti-reflective
« Last Edit: February 27, 2009, 08:33:34 pm by Roman White » Report Spam   Logged

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Roman White
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« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2009, 01:56:57 pm »

maybe this isn't much about astronomy...


So, the question:
Is this statement true or false?
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martinastro
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« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2009, 01:46:47 pm »

I don't understand it at all Roman  Undecided
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« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2009, 02:01:26 pm »

Quote
I don't understand it at all Roman
Quite straightforward - you get a warning if you've been online for more than 24 hours in a 24 hour period....
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Paul
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« Reply #9 on: March 07, 2009, 02:02:26 pm »

I think Roman is wondering how it would be possible for the dial-up connection to be up for longer than 24 hours in one day Martin Smiley
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« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2009, 02:11:36 pm »

Ah yes, I understand now. Lost me there for a while  Smiley
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Roman White
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« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2009, 08:17:37 pm »

Quite straightforward - you get a warning if you've been online for more than 24 hours in a 24 hour period....
You're right, but nobody answered the question:
Is this statement true or false?
(possible?) Wink
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« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2009, 09:16:03 pm »

Quote
Is this statement true or false?
(possible?) Wink
Well you can get a 24 hour plus one second day (leap second) or a 25 hour day (daylight saving time ends during it).
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Roman White
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« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2009, 09:55:41 pm »

I hadn't received any alert on Dec.31, 2008  Grin
a 25 hour day (daylight saving time ends during it).
That's right!
(if only I use DST)  So there is no exact answer... Smiley
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Roman White
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« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2009, 09:58:21 pm »

 Grin
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